Moving — whether it’s buying, renting or selling — poses special challenges for people with ADHD. These tips may help.
Jessica McCabe knows a thing or two about moving.
The host of the popular “How to ADHD” YouTube channel and website by the same name moved five times in three years — and during a pandemic, no less. Still, none of that prepared her for the tsunami of stress that inundated her life when she bought a home in December 2021.
“Everybody filters things through their personal experiences, so if you’re like, ‘Yeah, of course buying a house is hard. It’s hard for everybody,’ you don’t understand the degree to which it’s going to be a struggle for somebody with ADHD,’’ says McCabe, who authored the upcoming book, “How to ADHD: An Insider’s Guide to Working with Your Brain (Not Against It)”.
Getting and staying organized, focused and on-task is difficult for people who have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), a neurodevelopmental disorder marked by inattention, impulsivity and/or restlessness. McCabe says using systems and routines helps people with ADHD focus and conserve their energies for what’s important to them.
Moving — whether it’s buying or selling a home or renting one — messes with those routines, which are already hard to stick with, she says. It also injects an element of chaos and stress into daily life that can be hard to manage.
“A lot of us get through our day by putting things on auto pilot — by putting things on autopay or by having some sort of routine,’’ says McCabe. “The process of moving shoots those routines in the foot. So, suddenly, we’re not only dropping the balls on the aspects of moving, but we’re also maybe dropping the ball on other things, too.”
We talked with McCabe and searched the internet for strategies that can help minimize the chaos and stress of moving when you have ADHD. We’ve also compiled a list of resources and tip sheets that might help you move easier.
1. Know why you’re moving
People with ADHD tend to be impulsive and are drawn to novelty, says McCabe. She says it’s helpful to think about what you’re hoping to get from a move. Are you looking for new roommates? More stability? A fresh start? Or are you just bored?
Whatever the reason, ask yourself whether a move is the best way to address that need or want. Some people move because they imagine they’re going to be different in a new home only to find out they’re still the same person they were before they packed up, she says.
2. Get your credit in shape
“The first thing I did when I knew that I wanted to buy a home — knowing what I know about ADHD — was I focused on getting my credit score to a good place first, before I let myself look at houses,’’ says McCabe. “I knew if I started looking at houses while I was trying to get my credit score up, I may have fallen in love with something and impulsively went for it even when I knew my credit score wasn’t in a good place to get a good deal on it.”
Having a low credit score will likely result in you paying a higher interest rate on a mortgage and can even keep you from renting a home.
One way to avoid late fees and dings on your credit is to put recurring payments for things like utility and credit card accounts, student and car loans, even rent, on autopay. When one-off bills arrive, pay them immediately or set reminders to pay them on a calendar, planner or cell phone.
You also can sign up for credit alerts from the three credit reporting agencies so you know if your spending is dragging down your credit score. McCabe used theCredit Karma app, which gamifies the process of improving your credit, to raise her score before buying a home.
Here are some additional tips for improving your credit.
3. Do as much as you can ahead of time
“Get your credit score in order, figure out what you can afford with the prequalification process, if you can, and then go shopping, knowing that all that’s left to do is put in an offer and then go through escrow,’’ says McCabe.
She also recommends working with a real estate agent to figure out what kind of paperwork you’re going to need so you can start gathering it early instead of hunting things down while you’re also waiting to hear about appraisals and inspections.
“Get everything that you can in order ahead of time,’’ she says “When you’re in the process of like, ‘Cool, I need to do this right this second or I might lose this house,’ it’s incredibly stressful.”
4. Think about what you want in a home
“Before you start looking,’’ says McCabe, “figure out what your criteria are, what is important to you, and then look” so you don’t get distracted by the new, the novel, the shiny thing that can drive impulsive decision-making.
McCabe says she didn’t have an idea of what she was looking for ahead of time and ended up spending $10,000 to modify stairs so her small dog could use them.
“See what you can afford before you go shopping so you don’t get your heart broken,’’ she says.
McCabe says getting pre-qualified would have spared her the stress she experienced after learning that she might not qualify for a mortgage after she already made an offer on a home.
5. Start clearing out the stuff you don’t want to move now
Set a timer for 10 or 15 minutes and focus on clearing out part of your desk or closet or cabinet. You don’t have to do more than that, although you can, but the goal is to tackle the move a little at a time before things get hectic.
Set deadlines to create urgency, and, as best you can, treat them as unchangeable. Reward yourself for your accomplishments.
6. Use checklists and lists
Seeing what you can expect in the coming weeks or months can help prepare your brain for the tasks ahead. Crossing off tasks you’ve accomplished can provide a rush of dopamine to help sustain your efforts.
Knowing what you need to do and when can prevent you from feeling the need to do all of it at the same time, and then getting stuck and doing nothing at all because you’re overwhelmed, says McCabe.
7. Clear unnecessary tasks from your schedule
“People with ADHD tend to have specific difficulties planning, prioritizing and sustaining effort toward long-term goals, all of which are very much a part of buying a home,’’ says McCabe.
Know in advance that your attention is going to be maxed out during the process, and that many of the systems you rely on day-to-day may not be enough to pull you through.
8. Work with real estate professionals who understand ADHD
“Whether you’re buying a house or moving into an apartment, work with somebody who understands ADHD if you can,’’ she says. “ADHD comes with different challenges, and it can be very frustrating for people who don’t understand ADHD why you’re not doing the thing, and they can’t really accommodate you well.”
People with ADHD are often judged as messy or careless, irresponsible and lazy – moral judgments that are not only inaccurate, but hurtful and counterproductive.
McCabe said the loan officer she was referred to didn’t understand how to work with someone who owned their own business — something that’s common for people with ADHD.
“ADHDers are 300% more likely to start their own businesses,’’ says McCabe. “A lot of us are entrepreneurs, so we don’t have W2s. The qualification process is very different for us.”
McCabe says you can disclose that you have ADHD to your agent and loan officer, and ask what experience they’ve had working with people with ADHD. Or you can just start talking about ADHD or the specific challenges, and ask for what you need.
She suggests saying something like, “I have trouble keeping track of paperwork, or I sometimes miss texts or phone calls. Can you please repeatedly call me if it’s something urgent so I don’t miss it? And see how they respond.”
9. Take your time with paperwork.
Rental leases and mortgages can be difficult to comprehend. Give yourself time to process the information, and ask questions so you’re clear about everything you’re signing.
If possible, go to a place where you can usually concentrate best — perhaps a coffee shop to review and sign paperwork.
10. Plan your move, down to the supplies you’re going to use.
Pay attention to your moving supplies. McCabe says, if you can afford it, use plastic boxes you can stack and close easily without having to assemble and tape them. Or use bankers boxes that unfold and are all the same size. Use color-coded labels for different rooms, and set aside things you’ll need while your stuff is in transit.
11. Get support where you need it
Enlist a friend to help you. Some people report success merely by having someone on speaker on the cell phone as they tackle mundane tasks like packing, or someone who will sit quietly with them. If things outside of moving are falling through the cracks, ask for help from someone who can help pick up the slack.
Consider using a “body double” for tasks like packing. For instance, you can find things you want to pack while a friend puts things in boxes. Breaking down tasks can help reduce the load on your working memory, says McCabe.
12. Play to your strengths
If you’re buying, renting or moving with a partner, lean into each others’ strengths. Are you good at finding homes? Is your partner good at researching and comparing mortgages? Divide the labor.
“When it comes down to convergent thinking like narrowing down your options, that’s when we’re going to need support,’’ says McCabe.
13. Give yourself time to acclimate to your new home
People with ADHD often have dyspraxia or issues related to coordination that can be made worse when introduced to a new environment, says McCabe.
“Anytime I move to a new place, I start running into the walls or I start running into table corners or kicking my shins,’’ she says. “I end up with a lot of bruises.”
McCabe suggests that you give yourself time to adjust to the space and protect yourself by putting pads on objects that have sharp corners until you acclimate.
“It’s gonna take your brain some time to figure out where everything is so that you’re not having to constantly think through every single action that you take,’’ she says.
14. Consider having a small housewarming party
Sometimes having guests over can create a sense of urgency to unpack before the boxes become part of the furniture — or you stop seeing them altogether. If you think it will help, pick a date for a party and use it to motivate yourself to unpack.
15. Go easy on the home projects
Before committing to a project, talk it through with a partner or friend, paying special attention to the tools, supplies and time you’ll need to finish it. Doing so can give you a sense of the commitment of time and money you’ll need. Be realistic about whether it’s something you’re likely to finish or whether you’ll be looking at an unfinished project for months or years and feeling bad about it.
16. Use the organizing tools you’re familiar with
“There’s a lot of resources you can find online that will help you break down the tasks involved, which I think is really helpful in terms of how you actually organize those tasks,’’ McCabe says. “I would use whatever app or tool or piece of paper, whatever you’re used to using, because trying to learn a new system at the same time you’re going to move is actually a lot harder on your executive function.”
Above all, remember that you can move forward.
Resources and Checklists
Knowing what to expect and using checklists to keep track of important steps can help reduce the stress involved in moving.
Renting
How to find an apartment:
Move-in, move-out checklist:
Buying
What to expect:
Tips for staying focused during your search:
Tips for searching for a home on Zillow®:
Checklist for first-time buyers:
Financing
What to expect:
Mortgage checklist:
List of questions to help find a lender:
Selling
How to develop a plan for selling:
A timeline for selling:
Moving
Packing tips:
8-week planner for moving
ADHD websites
How to ADHD– website and companion youtube channel with information and resources
CHADD – Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
ADDA – Attention Deficit Disorder Association
Understood – focus on children with ADHD
ADDitude magazine – articles, quizzes and resources on ADHD